Parkdale Hookers Implode, File For Bankruptcy 25 Oct 2014, 4:38 pm

Global Markets Reeling as Punk Band in Tatters

/Toronto tPH Newswire/ – The Parkdale Hookers are no more. The stunning announcement out of Toronto has global markets in jitters as news filters out from the headquarters of the secretive hedge fund and punk rock group.

Stunned employee depart tPH Intl. HQ for the last time.

The Board of Directors has ousted the top executives and regulators are scrambling to decipher the complex web of business entities and financial derivatives the group may or may not have controlled.

Not a single member of the group was available for comment:

CFO and drummer Mark Collins has apparently already moved on, now acting in an EVP capacity for a large publicly traded technology company. According to a terse press release issued by a PR firm known to have represented Collins in the past, “He is under NDA and cannot name his employer. Mr. Collins is no longer a member of tPH International and has divested all of his shareholdings.”

Phil Emery has surfaced as co-host on Ryerson’s Songtalk radio and contrary to a recent twitter rumour will not be hosting the 2015 Oscars.

CEO Mark Jeftovic has reportedly left the country. A Dutch expat near Roca Milagro, Panama related stories to local reporters that the ostensible frontman is “out there, somewhere”, gesturing toward the jungle. “He is hopped up on nootropic brain enhancers and holed up with guns, a bitcoin wallet and about a half tonne of tinned food. He will not talk about the Hookers. All he talks about is ‘the impending collapse of the global financial system‘”.

With the unsigned rock group being counter-party to an estimated 92 trillion dollars of complex derivatives, credit default swaps and leveraged futures, financial commentators wonder if that is a self-fulfilling prophecy….

 Related Video: The Parkdale Hookers, Multi-Media World

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The Story Behind “Echo Bubble Overdrive” 7 Jun 2014, 2:43 pm

The Parkdale Hookers International Inc. (a.k.a “The Parkdale Hookers”) is a Toronto-based business conglomerate, hedge fund and alternative rock group. The group formed in 2001 with the founding members, Noise (Chief Marketing Officer), Mark Jeftovic (CEO) and ex-Landslide drummer Dan Miles.

After Miles left the group in 2004 to take a position in Jim Flaherty’s Ministry of Finance, Mark C replaced him on drums. MC has recently stepped back to spend more time with his family.

In 2005 the group released Polyester Fire Starter, a 5-song EP that was released under a Creative-Commons License.

In 2010 tPH entered the novelty song space with their release of “Have A Parkdale Hookers Christmas Time“, which was featured on CBC and elsewhere and has become a perennial favorite among bohemians and disaffected families around the holiday season.

Echo Bubble Overdrive is the long-awaited follow-up album to PFS. Recorded at Toronto’s Vespa Music Studio, the 7-song EP was engineered by none other than Juno Award winner Eric Ratz (Billy Talent, Big Wreck, Cancer Bats) over the period of 2011-2013. It was mixed at Jukasa Sound Studios by Nick Blagona (The Police, Deep Purple, ALEXISONFIRE). Ratz also mixed the lead video for EBO “MultiMedia World”.

The 7-song record continues the tPH tradition of power-punk, alternative rock genre. The lead-off single is an anti-establishment punk-anthem Multi-Media World.

The Multi-Media World video is viewable at the URL:

https://parkdalehookers.ca/mmworld/

Complete track list for Echo Bubble Overdrive follows:
1) Multi Media World
2) Are You Lonely
3) Beamer On A Cell Phone (*explicit lyric warning)
4) Little Angel
5) Blue Monday (New Order cover)
6) Best Friend
7) Don’t Tell Me

Both the Multi-Media World single and Echo Bubble Overdrive album are available via iTunes, fine digital music services everywhere, and can be purchased with Bitcoin at https://parkdalehookers.ca

Media and Airplay Inquiries: pimp@parkdalehookers.ca

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Mixing the new CD – Day 1 2 Apr 2013, 3:19 pm

So Mark J and myself drove up from Toronto on a rainy Sunday morning. Mark C wasn’t able to come along due to scheduling conflicts but will be there in sprit if not in Skype.  Jukasa studios are located deep within The Six Nations Indian Reservation in Southern Ontario. A location whose beauty I didn’t realized till I walked over to the small restaurant across the street this morning.

The studio comes complete with accommodations (and a swimming pool and golf course when the weather is better) so that’s where I’ll be camping out for the next few days.

We’re mixing with the infamous Nick Blagona (take a gander at his discography here). Watching him work is simply amazing. Everything seems so effortless, which makes sense considering he’s released more hits than I’ve heard in my entire life. He looks like he could be just browsing the web instead of carving our sonic rivers for our CD, quite different than the tweaking from other mixers we’ve worked with. I imagine all the mixers will appear to work with such grace once they’ve tracked the same count as Nick.

It’s great to pick the brain of someone who started his career when 4 tracks where the bleeding edge but is still a master of the latest digital processes (he uses many plugins that have been custom coded for him)/ Lots of great stories from the golden age of the Police, Deep Purple, The Tea Party — I’m afraid we must be a little dull in comparison.

We got 3 mixes done yesterday, heck that was from 12noon till about 8pm! We’re hoping to get 3 or 4 done today.

Sounding great and we’re having a blast!

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Download free your Christmas punk favourite: Have A Parkdale Hookers Christmas Time 15 Nov 2012, 4:21 pm

Download the free MP3 of the long rumoured digital remaster of the punk holiday favourite “Have a Parkdale Hookers Christmas Time“! The perfect holiday tune which isn’t too, well, “Christmas-y” if you know what we mean. One reviewer called it “Bing Crosby fronting Motorhead”.

Grab the svelte MP3 file or the full resolution, 16bit CD quality file.

Download 16bit CD-quality file

And don’t forget to grab the lyrics!

Recorded at Toronto’s Green Door Studios

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Sat. Nov. 3, 2012 10pm: Live at The Sister (formerly Mitzi’s) with Maryanne’s UFO & Garage Baby 1 Nov 2012, 2:07 pm

This coming Saturday we’ll be playing with one of our fav bands: Garage Baby. They always bring a killer show. Needless to say, we’re stoked. We’ll be on sharply at 10pm, followed by Maryanne’s UFO at 11, with Garage Baby kicking the place at 12pm.

Don’t miss it!

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TPH live @ NXNE 2012: June 13 @ 11pm 6 Jun 2012, 9:20 pm

We’ll it’s that time of year when break out the powerpoints, and get ready to kick out the punk at North by Northeast.

We’ll be at the Velvet Underground for a tight set starting sharply at 11pm

More details to follow!

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The Final Mixdown 26 Mar 2012, 5:52 pm

So it’s official. The new CD will be mixed down next week at Jukasa Studios with the infamous Nick Blagona at the helm. (Check out his site: he’s done some pretty impressive tracks!) We’re apparently going to be using some pretty infamous gear as well, but more on that  when we actually get there. Mark J and myself will be up in The Six Nations Indian Reservation in Southern Ontario where the studios are located.

To say the least, we’re pretty F,ckn stoked!

So let’s hope we’re on track for a summer release of the new CD!

Much thanks to Eric Rats for getting us this far!

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Have a Parkdale Hookers Christmas Time (Lyrics) 15 Nov 2011, 9:51 pm

HAVE A PARKDALE HOOKERS CHRISTMAS TIME
by The Parkdale Hookers

Yes on the news it Christmas time
You’re gonna get the blues, it’s Christmas time
You’re gonna have some fun, it’s Christmas time
You better call your mom, it’s Christmas time

You get alot of crap at Christmas time
You give alot of crap at Christmas time
Yes it’s on the news, it’s Christmas time
Even the Jews, they like the Christmas time
(a movie and some Chinese food!)

CHORUS
Me and the kiddies now we’re going insane
Once we get it going
never ever be the same

Have yourself a Merry Christmas time
Have a Parkdale Hookers Christmas time
Have yourself a Merry Christmas time
Have a Parkdale Hookers Christmas time Christmas time Christmas time

Yes on the news it Christmas time
You’re gonna get the blues, it’s Christmas time
Yes on the news it Christmas time
Gonna drinks some booze it Christmas time, Christmas time, Christmas time

Have yourself a Merry Christmas time
Have a Parkdale Hookers Christmas time
Have yourself a Merry Christmas time
Have a Parkdale Hookers Christmas time

Have yourself a Merry Christmas time

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Most Guitar Solos are Unnecessary 27 Sep 2011, 2:35 am

This may sound odd, coming from a guitarist, but it’s true: upward of 90% of all guitar solos ever recorded are unnecessary, add nothing to the song and in many cases actually detract from the music.

Alas, guitar solos (and their purveyors: guitarists) can be loosely analogous to commercials flogged by ad agencies. Many of them are created for the singular purpose of gratifying their creators and (ostensibly) to demo their virtuosity.

Rarely does it happen that a guitar solo can be a building block to a song. Most of them are pure wankfests.

Statistically, the spectrum of axe-wanking breaks out into roughly three buckets: Amazing, Obligatory and Regrettable.

1. Amazing (5%) – The tiny minority of gtr solos that actually add something to the song and help take it to the next level.
2. Obligatory (70%) – the meaty part of the Bell Curve. They don’t add anything to the song and in most cases they are simply there because it seems like they “should be”.
3. Regrettable (25%) – What the hell are they trying? Give it up.

Counter-intuitively, those pillars of guitar-ism rarely get a solo into that 5% sliver of greatness. These legends have names like Page, Hendrix, Satriani, Beck, et al but their work matters most to 1) themselves and 2) other guitar players. Sure, they’re prolific and technically adept. But a lot of their songs are simply “guitar solo containers”. Rarely is it that one hears an amazing song, made more amazing by a killer guitar solo, that happened to be emitted by one of the “masters.

More often a great song is intruded upon by a dose of wank, which is tolerated, appreciated or possibly celebrated, because of the undisputed greatness of the guitar soloist in question. The blasphemous truth: if the solo wasn’t there, it probably wouldn’t have made a difference one way or another.

There is probably a Paredo Principle at work here, even among individual guitarists. I’ll criticize my own body of work as an example so I don’t sound like an accusatory curmudgeon:

I’ve probably recorded about 50 songs in my “career” (and I use that term loosely), out of those songs maybe 30 of them have guitar solos. Of those 30, maybe 20 were performed by another guitarist, leaving 10 guitar solos that I’ve recorded. Of those 10, I honestly feel like I actually “nailed it” in one of them and I feel like it actually adds something to the song (“Pick U Up” on the first tPH record). Another eight (being generous to myself) are just kind of “there”. They don’t detract from the song, they just adequately fill in the [insert guitar solo here] space. And then there’s a stink-job on “Have a Parkdale Hookers Christmas Time” which is probably a disservice to artist and listener alike.

Now that we’re almost done the next Parkdale Hookers record, what will happen to my batting average? Well, out of 8 songs there are guitar solos in 4 of them. You win half the battles by not fighting them. Of those four, I am hoping that there are zero that are impaired by the solo. The rest are probably obligatory, just because they’re hard driving, kick-ass guitar rock that just scream SOLO!, but in reality, you could put anything in there and drunken people in bars will still air-guitar to it and my 5-year old will do the devil-horns and bob her head furiously. It isn’t the guitar solo that’s doing the work there, it’s the rest of the song.

So what are the all time greatest guitar solos ever? I’ll run those down in another post, but trust me: none of the sacred cows make the list. You’d be surprised.

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Way cool axe’s at Eastwood Guitars 1 Aug 2011, 7:38 pm

I’ve never been a big fan of Statocasters, or Strat like guitars. While I do appreciate their fine quality,  overall I always found them lacking personality.

I’ve always gravitated to unusual guitars like Vox’s, or my Tokai Talbo Blazing Fire, a cast aluminum guitar from Japan that I picked up for a steal way back in the late 80s. (I’ve been playing a rare 1972 Ibanez Artist bass I found used at Capsule Music, it was only in the catalogs for about 2 years).

That’s why I was so pleased to stumble across Eastwood Guitars, a company recreating the more unusual vintage axes from the 60’s and 70’s. Many of these were carried by Sears or Woolworths. If you’ve ever tried any of the originals, you’ll know that many of them were, uh, less than “the creme of the crop” in terms of playability and quality.

Eastwood crafts their reproductions with a careful eye to detail, but also makes their guitars to the highest quality modern standards – so you wind up with a killer vintage guitar that plays like a modern, high end instrument. Best of both worlds. (Oh yeah, surprisingly they don’t cost an arm and a leg either, although once the word gets out, I’m sure they’ll bet a bit pricer, especially at this level of quality, so get your’s while you can.)

What was better was when I found out that they were Canadian. Even better, they’re just up in Georgetown Ontario! just outside Toronto (and where Mark C calls home).

The past Friday I decided to stop by while on my way up to Stratford ON for some theatre. The kind Sales Manager Peter McCracken let me poke around their workspace and let me try out some of the models on hand.

Some great stuff at Eastwood

Absolutely brilliant stuff. They even spec custom pickups to reflect the sound of the originals, they don’t just plug in standard Humbuckers everywhere.

nice work if you can get it

Each guitar is hand set up and checked by the staff at Eastwood, so you’ll get something great right out of the box.

Not sure which one I’ll get, although I will be getting at least one. Probably the Wandre or the Airline Town & Country, although the Breadwinner is kinda cool as well, and the Messenger is really cool.

So stop on by Eastwood Guitars on the web (some local music shops carry them as well) and take a look at the variety of models they offer. They’re even holding a contest where you can win over $10k of Eastwood products. Considering what the guitars cost – that’s one heck of alot of guitars!

So which one would you get?

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